Status: Changed

Since I’ve transitioned from Status: single to Status: in a relationship, I’m hanging up the proverbial towel on dating and am taking down my dating page, which was previously accessible above and included my tips on dating. It seems out of place now.   But I don’t want to delete that information completely, since it’s part of how I got to this place in my life, and as far as I’m concerned, invaluable information.

All my posts are still intact, so you can take a ride back through the past couple of years if you like (don’t judge me) and you can find the list of the men I’ve dated in the past (updated to include A) here, but here are the things I have learned about dating over the past couple of years! Enjoy!

DATING TIPS

  1. If you are intoxicated, do not under any circumstances drunk-text or call the person you are dating (ahem, of course I’ve NEVER done that)
  2. If a guy is not secure in his job, he’s not going to be ready for commitment
  3. Respond to messages within a 12 hour period. In this day and age of mass communication devices, there is no excuse (this goes for both men and women)
  4. Keep your options open. Don’t limit yourself based on what you ‘think’ you want. The reality is the perfect person for you may be someone you never expected.
  5. That being said, don’t  force yourself if you’re not comfortable.
  6. The guy MUST pay on the first date. Women should offer to split, but if he accepts, there’s something not right.
  7. Try and let the guy pursue you, but don’t be afraid to make a move if too much time is passing by
  8. If he hasn’t called, feel free to send a little nudge, but don’t ask why you haven’t heard from him. Just a ‘how was your week?’ should be sufficient
  9. There comes a time when you should just let go. Don’t become a desperate stalker!
  10. Try dating more than one person at a time
  11. Dating does not mean you have to have sex
  12. Try not to let others dictate the choices you make with respect to dating
  13. Dating advice can only take you so far; as long as you’re comfortable with your actions, that’s the best you can do!
  14. Men cannot read our minds. If you want something, ask for it. Don’t assume they’ll automatically know what you want or need.
  15. To the men who may read this: if you aren’t into us, fine. Tell us. You may be afraid of hurting us, but what hurts us more is the feeling of being ignored or  misled. I would personally rather have the knowledge of your rejection, rather than spend hours wondering , worrying and analyzing over and over whether or not you may or may not like me.
  16. If you’re an online dater, and you send a message to someone and they don’t reply, it is not acceptable to send another message saying “What, you don’t like what you see?”. If you’re too immature to accept rejection from someone YOU DON”T EVEN KNOW, this isn’t the venue for you.
  17. If you read a profile and a guy puts a weight limit on the girl he’s seeking, it might be a good idea to avoid him, even if you fall into his ‘parameters’. That’s just a disaster waiting to happen and he’s obviously very appearance-oriented.
  18. Be wary of super-persistent men who are concerned if you don’t respond to their messages within minutes and continue to message you wondering where you are and why you haven’t responded….such men may be likely to turn up at your work with a scone and a tea, forcing your co-worker to keep an eye on your awkward conversation with such men in case something untoward happens so she can call security if necessary.
  19. Have fun! Dating can be a positive experience, so enjoy it!
  20. Try and date outside your comfort zone now and then.
  21. Fate shmate. You’re not going to find someone just waiting for fate to step in. I believe in fate, but also that you have to help it along a bit. Who says that your fate isn’t to go out and actively hunt for a guy? Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!
  22. I’ve recently discovered it helps to go into a date with no preconceived notions of the guy at all, other than knowing the absolute basics (age, name, height).
  23. Referencing back to #11, go with your instinct on this one. Take as much (or as little, haha) time as you need!
  24. Ladies, your girlfriends exist for a reason. Do NOT release your crazy on the guy you’re dating. For him, save your most perfect, relaxed, calm self. If you need to get your crazy on, talk to your girls.
  25. It pains me to say it, but sometimes you just have to move on. But don’t give up without a fight! You’ll never know unless you try, right? If you’ve made every effort you’re comfortable with, there’s no reason for you to regret the experience.
  26. Don’t be afraid to not date. I know, it seems counter productive, but if you’re feeling negative about dating, if you’re feeling angry at the men you date, then just take a break and re-group. You’ll be much better off and in a good place once you start dating again.
  27. If the guy asks you to send him food…in AFRICA, DON”T DATE HIM!!
  28. Trust is important. But it’s equally important to forgive. Forgiveness goes a long way towards gaining back any trust lost.
  29. Patience. Embrace it. Love it. Use it.
  30. Dating is not black or white. There are many, MANY shades of gray.

My Valentine

I had the best Valentine’s Day ever! I don’t want to share every single detail (some things are special only to A and I). Lets just say it lived up to every expectation I had. Of course, it helped that my valentine is absolutely perfect for me 🙂 But I do want to tell you about the MOST AMAZING DINNER I’VE EVER HAD, since it’s going to be really hard to find a meal to top the one I enjoyed last night.

A surprised me with reservations at The Port in Pickering, one of my favourite restaurants in the area. Out in the ‘burbs, you don’t find a lot of unique places to eat, with mostly chain franchises to choose from. It’s located down on the lake and is a really beautiful building. We arrived at 8:30 and funnily enough, bumped into M1 and her hubby who were there to eat as well (hope you guys enjoyed your meal as much as I did!). It was a bit crowded when we were seated, but the nice thing about having a late dinner was that most people were finishing up by the time we sat down and it emptied out as time went on.

We each got a glass of wine and chose to share an appetizer of grilled calamari with a spicy chili marinade and a romesco sauce (tomato based) to dip it it. Yum! And then our mains came. A chose a sirloin steak with a twice baked potato. According to him, the steak wasn’t the best he’d ever had, but it was good. My meal however, was FABULOUS. From my first bite, I was hooked. This is the description from their online menu:

Free Run Ontario Chicken – oven roasted breast topped with wine poached pear, red onion marmalade and melted brie, served with fresh seasoned vegetables and red skin smashed potato, finished with sage aioli and red wine syrup.

The dish I was actually served had a butternut squash puree added on the side, the vegetable was grilled asparagus and the potato was cheddar mashed. All together it was amazing. A. MAZE. ING.  Every bite I took was full of flavour. I cleaned the plate, and if I could have without being un-ladylike, I totally would have licked it. That was how much I enjoyed my meal. I didn’t want it to end!

Dessert was equally as good. We shared a slice of pumpkin cheese cake and it was very, very good. Not too heavy, full of flavour and a good sharing size. Perfect!

I left the restaurant feeling incredibly satisfied and happy. Forget men. The way to C’s heart is through her stomach!

Thanks babe for such an amazing night!

My hero 😉

 

Weekend Wind-Up – V-Day Edition

Happy Valentine’s Day!

For once in my life, those words don’t make me cringe. Because I have in my life now a super amazing guy and we’ll be sharing this Valentine’s Day together. It’s just another day, yes, but I have never in my life had a date for Valentine’s Day, so we’re doing this night right. I know nothing of our plans other than that our dinner reservations (no clue where) are for 8:30, giving me ample time to primp and prepare to look stunning. Well, as stunning as I can after a week sick with a cold. I have a feeling though, that he won’t notice the dryness of my nose or the paleness of my skin or the fact that I’m wearing an old dress because I couldn’t get out to shop for a new one, seeing as I was stuck at home resting. In his eyes, I’m beautiful no matter what and that’s the best gift of all.

Awww.

A few highlights from the weekend:

Movies

On Friday night we watched The Last Airbender, which was pretty cool, and then Saturday we watched The Hulk. I should clarify that we watched the version with Eric Bana, which A prefers over the one with Edward Norton. I hadn’t seen the Bana version and really liked the story of how the Hulk became the lovable green monster that he is.

Meet the Sister (His)

Last weekend A met my sister, so this weekend we arranged for me to meet his youngest sister. I wasn’t nervous at all, which I can attribute either to the ease and confidence that A and I share together or a to a slightly stoned edge from the combo of cold and pain meds (cramps hit me Saturday morning). Either way, I was all good. Her first impression of me was one of hacking up a lung as I entered her home, which I regret but couldn’t help. However, I think I redeemed myself and we had a great visit. She’s super nice and highlighted some typical Big Brother antics A got into when they were growing up, which I thought were hilarious! I also met his cousin, cousin-in-law and their little boy. So far, his peeps are awesome!

Meet the Parents (Mine)

Yesterday I called up my parents and after a brief discussion with A, invited us over to dinner. A spontaneous, low-key Sunday dinner was the perfect intro, giving neither of us time to get stressed over it. Not that I would, I knew my parents would like him and vice versa, but parents are a whole other kettle of fish than siblings. Luckily my parents rock! A saw that immediately and was at ease very quickly.

So my family is all done. Next up: his parents, his other sister (she’s the middle sibling) and her family. We’re taking a road trip a few hours east of here this weekend to visit them. I’m quite excited!

One Hundred Million Dollars

Well, not quite. But Walmart got a big chunk of my bank account over the weekend. Why is it that everything seems to run out at the same time? Shampoo, condition, dental floss, cat litter, dishwasher detergent etc. A hundred bucks later and all I have to show for it is clean toilets. Yahoo.

Hope everyone has a fabulous day!

Moment of Awesomeness

Monday night, A came over.

Side note: you know a guy is definitely into you when he’s willing to come over and risk catching your germs when you’re sick, and still thinks you’re cute all sniffly and gross.

We basically just watched TV, had pizza for dinner and Cadbury chocolate eggs for dessert (YUM!). Doesn’t sound like much, but I had a moment of awesomeness. We were sitting there chatting and the topic of sandwiches came up. I think they were talking about it on Big Bang Theory (I watched Seasons 1 and 2 over the past couple of days while home sick). Anyways, A started talking about his theory on how he constructs sandwiches, and as I sat there listening to him describe where the lettuce should be positioned in relation to the meat and cheese, I just looked at him and smiled and thought:

Listen to him go. He’s so cute. I’m so lucky to have met him“.

He definitely makes me feel better 🙂

Awesome.

Weekend Wind-Up

Well, my weekend didn’t go exactly according to plan, but I had a great time anyways. I’ve been under the weather the past few days (something is afoot in my sinuses), which means low energy and early bedtimes.

Friday night A came over and I made us a super yummy pork tenderloin stew. According to him, I’ve yet to make something he doesn’t like! Maybe the way to a man’s heart IS through his stomach. We rented RED to watch after dinner, and it was quite good! Some really awesome effects and funny dialogue, especially from John Malkovitch.

Saturday morning we got up and I was feeling semi-decent. We headed out to Tim Horton’s for breakfast before heading to Yorkdale. I picked up a new pair of Lucky Brand Jeans and LOVE THEM!! They fit me so well, AND they’re a size 8!! Usually I’m a 10. AND they were 25% off! Whee! We wandered aimlessly for an hour or so before heading out. We ran a few more errands, then headed home to get ready for a Big Step.

The Big Step consisted of A meeting my sister for the first time! It went really well. Both were quite impressed with each other and completely at ease, which is awesome. We all know how important my sister is to me, so it’s equally important my beau and she get along. Of course CJ was her usual adorable self. So. Freakin’. Cute.

This morning I woke up again not feeling well. My head was fuzzy and my throat felt funny. So instead of the skiing excursion we had planned, A and I had a lazy Sunday. We did go out for an hour long walk this afternoon, since the weather was so mild, but that’s the extent of activity for today. I’m completely wiped and will be heading to bed very shortly.

But it was a great weekend! A and I have such a good time together, it doesn’t matter what we do 🙂

Train

I travel the GO train every day. Well, almost every day. But lately with the price of gas being so high, and the weather being questionable,  it’s been a regular thing. I’m often reminded of Train 48 when I ride, because despite the soap opera nature of it, it depicted the types of relationships that develop (and if you’re a good Canadian, you’ll remember Train 48 on Global TV from 2003-05). Commuters on the train have their own sub-culture. Friendships, romances, casual recognition, ‘ususal’ seats.

It’s fascinating, especially to my anthropological self, and if you pay attention, you can learn a lot about the people surrounding you. At the moment (and maybe it’s because I’m feeling so happy and satisfied with my beau that my senses are heightened and tuned in to whatever romantic frequency they emit) I am seeing happy couples all over the train!

  • The young couple in University. They were on their way to his parents house for the weekend, where she would meet his family for the first time. “Are you nervous?” he asked her, grabbing her hand. “I was” she responded “but not anymore”.
  • The married couple who commute together. As the train stops and the doors open, they give each other a kiss, say “Love you, have a great day”, and head out in opposite directions.
  • The single guy who makes a phone call. “I’m just calling to wish you a safe trip. All you have to bring back is your sweet self”. Not so single after all, and from the sounds of it, it’s a new relationship.
  • The sleeping couple. Her head resting on his shoulder, his head resting on hers.

For once in my life, seeing these interactions doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t make me jealous or envious. It just makes me smile and think of my own growing relationship with A.

And then my smile gets bigger.

Pizza Soulmates

A and I are Pizza Soulmates (it’s a serious distinction, requiring capitalization).

I read about the concept of Pizza Soulmates on 1000 Awesome Things and thought it was brilliant. It’s definitely one of those tricky conversations, especially when you’re ordering with someone new. It’s not as significant finding toppings you both like, at least not to me. No, to me, it’s identifying the toppings you both don’t like that’s the important thing. And there, A and I are on the same page. Our conversation went something like this a week or so back**:

A: Are we ordering pizza tonight?

C: Absolutely! I love pizza.

A: Great. What places do you like?

C: Ummm, Pizza Pizza or Pizza Hut are my faves.

A: Pizza Pizza it is.

C: What do you like on your pizza?

A: I’m pretty easy.

C: I’m not a fan of olives.

A: Me either. There is one thing I absolutely hate. It might be a dealbreaker.

C: Ok…..

A: Pineapple.

C: {hit his arm} GET OUT!! I hate pineapple too. It’s wrong. Fruit on pizza is wrong.

A: It is!!

C: We’re Pizza Soulmates.

**This is not verbatim. I’ve taken some artistic liberties 🙂

Time

True story: My parents were engaged to be married three weeks after they met. They married six months after that and have been happy together for 35 years.**

**Just for the record, I was born two years after they got married. No shotguns were present at their wedding!

My point in mentioning this? When it comes to relationships, there are no time lines. It’s important not to rush, but if everything just seems to click, there’s no reason to delay things just because you think you should. Y’all know how I feel about the shoulds. They’re confusing and just asking for trouble!

A and I are moving along at a pace we find comfortable. We are cognizant of making sure to take time to get to know each other in some respects, but in others we know what we want. For example, last night we had the “what are we talk”. It was the best “what are we talk” I’ve ever had! Even though it’s only been just over two weeks, we know we want to be together. So that’s what we are. Together. A couple. Boyfriend and girlfriend (and no, I’m not one of those women who will ever use the term ‘partner’. I don’t care how old I am!).

I feel awesome about taking this step with him. It’s so incredible how very right it feels.

Hmm…does this mean I can update my relationship status on Facebook?

Ease

A and I were chatting last night and he mentioned how he’s been reading my blog. I love that he’s taking an interest in something that’s important to me, but he did say that he hoped that his reading it wouldn’t influence what I write about (or something to that affect). I assured him that it wouldn’t, but I’m not sure if I explained myself very well. Sometimes I write what I need to say better than how I say it.

I’m sure you’ve all noticed a trend with me that when things are going well with someone, and we’re communicating well and I know where I stand, that I’m calm and stress-free.  It’s when the guy starts pulling away or not communicating that I become confused and frustrated, and that’s when I let it all out on here.

A and I communicate on a level I’ve never had with anyone before. And I think that because of how well we communicate, I won’t have much need to do my venting on here. Weirdly enough, we seem to think the same way and are able to express ourselves as a result. Because of that, I am so comfortable with him and with where we might be heading. I feel no anxiety, just excitement. I’ve had no lie awake for hours moments wondering what the deal is, only fabulous, restful sleeps. I’m not wondering if he’ll be in touch again, because I know he will be. We plan when we’ll see each other next before we say goodbye. Even with S, I didn’t feel this at ease with things.

The only thing I’m feeling uneasy about at the moment is the idea of rock climbing. Yikes! Last night, A and I went and checked out an indoor climbing facility nearby. I’ve thought about doing it in the past, both as a way to meet men and to conquer my fear of heights. The former is no longer necessary, but I think the latter is.

My fear of heights is getting worse as the years go by. Just thinking about it makes me feel light headed and weak in the knees. I’m not afraid of much and I hate that this practically cripples me. We stood there, watching the climbers reach the top and I felt ill and didn’t like that. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do it, but I’m thinking I’d like to try, and if I’m going to try it, then A is the guy to do it with! Next weekend maybe? I need a little time to pep myself up for it!

Toot! Toot!

That’s me, tooting my own horn. Why? I made an awesome supper last night:

I had a package of over-sized cheese ravioli in the freezer, so I picked up a jar of tomato and basil sauce and some cremini mushrooms to cook up and mix in. THEN I remembered that there was bacon in the fridge and genius that I am, realized that would make a super tasty addition, so I tossed it in with the mushrooms, along with some garlic, mixed it with the tomato sauce and voila! I garnished with some goat cheese and settled down to eat my fabulous concoction.

While I ate, I turned on last week’s episode of the Bachelor. It’s so bad, but I can’t help but watch. Brad bothers me. I think it’s because he’s so quick to judge the women if they don’t do what he wants them to. I recognize that a lot more time goes into the ‘dates’ than what we see, but still. It takes time Brad!! Especially when you’re ‘dating’ 20 women at once!

Cheese and Toast. I suppose it bother’s me because I don’t have the ability to date more than one person at a time and don’t see why you would want to. I read a book once (Stop Wondering If You’ll Ever Meet Him) that actually recommends dating more than one person for three months (without sleeping with them) and then making your decision as to whom you want to be in a serious relationship with at the three month point**. I just don’t understand how you can do that, when your focus is divided like that. Ah well. I guess the numbers speak for themselves regarding the whole process. Of the how many Bachelor/Bachelorettes there have been (close to 20 I think), only a handful are still together, and this IS Brad’s second time around as the Bachelor. Who knows what will come of it!

**Note: This same book also put out a date by date list of the steps to physical intimacy. Date 1 – handshake. Date 2 – hug. Date 3 – kiss (no tongue) etc…..oops.